r o s e w r i t e s

Today was my first day of my new job! I gotta say, it seems a little tougher than I expected. I have a lot to learn. But I'm determined to keep a positive mindset. I think part of the issue is learning jargon, and part of the issue is that there's so much going on that it's tough to comprehend when it's shared in kind of an abstract way. I'm sure I'll get more comfortable as I learn more.

It is definitely uncomfortable right now. But I have to remember that great things happen when you get out of your comfort zone. The reason it's uncomfortable is because it's unfamiliar. But once I get a grasp, it will feel like my old department did. And hopefully I will be connecting with the joy of a new challenge, which is what I looked forward to in this new role. I do find myself missing the familiarity and autonomy of my old role already, but I have to remember why I left: the roller coaster of emotions that came along with new writing assignments that involved interviewing external sources.

Even though I'm still working from home, I switched to my "powerful" red leather purse yesterday in preparation for today. It makes me feel like an established career woman. I ended up getting to use it today anyway because I had to go to the tire shop, and then I got my nails done. Last time, I got DND 424 Lemon Juice, which was perfect for vacation. I was sad to see the neon yellow go today, but I wanted to switch to something that felt more appropriate for starting a new job – 440 Papaya Whip, a beautiful neutral.

I've started reading Big Little Lies, and I like it so far. I never watched the show. Feels good to be reading something captivating again. I've been in a bit of a slump lately and just haven't been reading much as a result.

Also, I came across a Facebook memory today where I posted that I woke up really early with negative feelings. Instead of stewing, I did an at-home yoga practice and decided to pick up a chai latte on my way to work. As I stepped out the front door, I was greeted with a beaming sunflower that had bloomed overnight. That felt like a reward for choosing to do yoga and treat myself to a latte. I shared in the post that positivity breeds positivity. Even with negative situations, I am still capable of making decisions that will make my day more positive. I am in control of my life. And when I choose positivity, more positive things happen.

I can finally announce what I've been waiting to announce... I got a new job! I'm switching from a PR editor role to an email marketing role. Editing has always been my passion, but email marketing seems like a great opportunity for me to combine my creative and analytical sides. Plus, I think the things I'll learn will complement my existing skillsets.

I don't know much about email marketing, but I've enrolled in HubSpot's email marketing certification course so I can bring that knowledge with me to the role. I like that I'll still get to write some in this role, but it will be in a more controlled environment where I'm not constantly reaching out to external sources, which was a source of stress for me in the editing role. I'm also excited to see how the data I'll be tracking will reflect creative changes in the emails. It's kind of like a study on human behavior.

I'm also so grateful for all my experience in the editing role. It started as a sole focus on editing, which I loved and excelled at. But writing was added to my plate about a year ago. I've received praise from leadership and story sources alike, but the truth is that my anxiety is just too great when dealing with so many uncontrollable variables that are part of connecting with sources outside the company. However, I think this experience has prepared me well for the email marketing role because previously I might have been too apprehensive about the writing at all!

I do love to write but it's very different in a career setting versus doing it for pleasure. But as you know if you've been reading my posts, writing is something I want to incorporate more of in my life. I've enjoyed being challenged the past year and look forward to new challenges as I take on this new job! Also super excited about learning new things and approaching everything with a fresh, clear mind. Which I will definitely have after swimming in the clear waters of the Keys...

After dinner, part of me really felt like taking a walk because the weather is reasonably pleasant. The other part of me felt super lethargic and didn't want to wear myself out, setting myself up for a not-super-productive tomorrow. That part won.

I read an article recently about how exhausting it is to spend energy thinking about what you should be doing or what you want to do, but not doing it. That's unfortunately how I spent my evening. It is so much more productive to make a decision and stick with it, rather than waffling back and forth forever.

The essence of the article focuses on bringing mindfulness to your actions – and doing them simply for the sake of doing them. Move through these actions as if each one is your main purpose, and you'll find it's surprisingly satisfying.

This is my favorite part of the article:

There was no sense of trying to balance my desire for doing good and useful things with my desire for comfort and pleasure. I let the good and useful always outrank the pleasurable and comfortable. Operating this way entailed a fair amount of physical discomfort, but it felt far more emotionally comfortable than trying to manage two competing sets of values.

And here’s the interesting part: pleasure and comfort arose constantly anyway. I enjoyed them when they did, with no sense of tradeoff or guilt. However, I didn’t do anything just because it was pleasurable or comfortable, and ironically that made for a much more pleasant and comfortable existence.

Best of all, there was no regret whatsoever about how I spent my time. Not during, not after. It was like living in a regret vacuum. I used the time to live.

The article writer is currently engaging in an experiment of living this way, simply doing tasks that he feels need to be done without succumbing to the emotional pull of staying comfortable.

A couple years ago, I made an effort to track my accomplishments – no matter how big or small. I did this daily so that when I felt like I was wasting my life or that I hadn't been able to get anything done because of unforeseen circumstances, I could see I actually had accomplished a lot. I think it's time to get back to that, simply as a way to start to get used to writing more and also to focus my mind on all the good things.

Today:
Rested in the morning (rather than forcing myself to do something just because time was available)
Swapped brake pads
Tried to get my nails done (but the wait was too long, so I went next door to the grocery store to pick up wings for dinner instead)
Ate an amazing broccoli/carrot mixture with dinner

I am taking back my health slowly but surely. Maybe if the weather is nice enough tomorrow, I'll go for a walk or something!

After I took the boys’ litter out tonight, I sensed magic filling the air. Crickets greeted me with their songs, reverberating through lilies and ferns and overgrown grasses. The air is crisp but thick, full of possibility. A sense of peace washed over me. It reminded me of a bit in one of my favorite songs of all time: Aquaeous Transmission by Incubus. I want to remember this moment.

I kind of want to sleep with a window cracked tonight and let the magic infiltrate my mind so I can fill tomorrow with creativity and happiness. But it is a bit humid and my husband is very sensitive to humidity. Real life seems to get in the way of magic moments sometimes. Still, this feels just as amazing as I imagine it feeling when I hear the song.

I am hoping I can keep up with blogging now that I'm back to work. It looks like I've managed to share about once a week, other than the first week when I was super excited about this shiny, new (to me) thing. The once-a-week cadence was during a break from work though, when I had plenty of brain energy. So what will it look like now? I almost didn't blog today, but I knew I would be disappointed if I didn't share something.

Work goes through phases, like everything else in life. Right now I'm in one of the trying-to-keep-my-head-above-water phases. These times are so overwhelming, and it's hard to have any brain energy left after the work day for personal hobbies or household tasks. I am hoping to get better at figuring out how to overcome that feeling. This morning I thought, "I feel frozen." Just in gridlock because of the endless view of tasks that I wasn't sure how to accomplish.

But similar to blogging (which I enjoy!), the hardest part is getting started. I did manage to get moving on the biggest task weighing on me today, and I moved it forward to the next step. And I almost didn't do yoga after work today, but I knew I'd regret it if I didn't, so I did it. Same story with blogging (and now I'm being repetitive).

I guess all that leads me to the point that today was a success. I overcame all these obstacles. Today was not a failure because of how miserable I felt for half of it. Today was not a failure because I almost didn't do yoga or blog and ended up kind of forcing myself to do the fun things. Today was a good day! I need to mash that into my brain so there's no room for negativity :)

Related to my post earlier this evening. I wrote this a little less than a week ago when I was away from my computer. The feelings still resonate.

If you’re too tired to pay attention to something worthwhile, does that mean you’re too tired to do something mindless? Mindless activities have their purpose, but maybe if my brain isn’t present enough to read a book, then really I shouldn’t be doing anything other than trying to sleep. What other healthy habits can I develop to practice during these brain fried times?

Also I saw this quote three times on Wednesday. Two on Facebook, one in a journal profile. Is it a sign?
"It's never too late to be what you might have been." – George Eliot

"For to think in deep time can be a means not of escaping our troubled present, but rather of re-imagining it; countermanding its quick greeds and furies with older, slower stories of making and unmaking."

Today I set aside time for self-care, and it was fulfilling. I applied a protein treatment to my hair to help with brittle ends, spread a charcoal clay mask on my face, washed and conditioned my hair, used a sugar scrub on my body, applied oil to my arms and legs, and used a thick cream on my feet. I am ready to venture into the world.

I came across those Line A Day journals yesterday and strongly considered purchasing one, but I can't even keep up with a regular journal that I can fill out any time I choose. The Line A Day journal would be a daily five-year commitment.

That style of journal is a great reminder that journal entries don't need to be lengthy or profound. Even writing a sentence a day can reunite a person with expression through language. I suppose that's part of my goal of creating this journal. I hope to keep up with it, even if it's just a digital diary.